I have made a critical #whoneedsit decision for myself.
It is time for me to leave blogging.
It’s something I have been feeling for a long time. Something that bubbled to the surface and eventually leading me to write this post. That post said everything I will fail to say now. So please, read that again to remember me by. I should have walked away then. But I couldn’t.
Something happened here that caused me to take a prolonged furlough in the fall. It broke this, and I can’t fix it. It changed how I view this place and everything around it. I should have stayed away then. But I couldn’t.
I tried again. A new name, a new look. I thought my de-cluttering project would afford me the space to keep going, but it can’t. It doesn’t. It means so much to me, and I’ll keep it up on Twitter, but it’s not enough to keep me here. I can’t.
The thing is, I love writing. Writing, and having it be read, was lifesaving. Life changing. It healed me. But what you might not know, is that I struggle deeply with all the things I can’t write here. The things I can’t say. That I obsess over writing and reading, and reading into writing. That it clenches my chest and drops my stomach. I hide it very well, but it is exhausting. It isn’t good for me. What it gives me, what is has given me, isn’t more than it takes away. It isn’t healthy. I know that I can’t simply take a break. I need to walk away and close the door behind me. This is my choice, my truth, my solace.
I simply don’t have the words to say what I need to right now. To truly tell each one of you what I need to. To describe the burn in my eyes, the agony in my chest. To say thank you to those of you that have touched the deepest part me.
But it’s time, y’all.
“… it’s time to let go“
SRB
Filed under: misc.
